wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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