brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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