You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
