A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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