Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
