Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
