I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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