we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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