Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
