my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
