I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
