I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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