Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
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