He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
