Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
