a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
