you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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