It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
