what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
