Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
