i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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