$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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