God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
