we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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