am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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