and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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