i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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