Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
