The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
