But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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