I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
