i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
