Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
this boner is exhausting
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
