do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
