i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
