I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
