I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
