After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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