There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
