Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
