Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
