try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
