There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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