if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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