I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
