my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
