HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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