I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
