clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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