Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
