Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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